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Dear Lard Arse
Day 2/21 A Course In Weight Loss
Before listening to lesson two of A Course In Weight Loss, I took my dog George for a walk. It was a beautiful autumn morning, the sun was shining and not a drop of rain, quite a rare occurrence lately. While walking and breathing in the clear, crisp air, I had the realisation that it was my disassociation that kept me skinny. Being void of feeling any emotion was good for the slim version of me.
I cannot remember when I began to disassociate. My childhood was not the best, and I have very few memories, most of which are filled with violent encounters. As a young adult, I learned quickly that nothing was ever going to change; people like me never got to be happy. People like me were born to be miserable and to be subjected to the angry outbursts of others.
This is so hard. This is not good, and I’m not feeling so great today. This is not an invite to a pity party; this is just what it is right now.
The shame and embarrassment of yesterday’s lesson are still great. Do I need to redo the exercise daily or trust it will right itself? I’m struggling to comprehend how I felt so amazing after the lesson yesterday. The practical assignment helped me tremendously, and I felt great, so why do I feel like shit now?
I trust the process of the path I have embarked upon; I need to keep reminding…
