Did I Really Sign Up For This Sh*t?

Sign here for ancestral curses and the mother wound.

This morning I pulled The Devil card in reverse, I was so excited! A lot of people fear some of the cards in the tarot as the images can appear dark and somewhat scary. The Devil card is one of my favourites. When he turns up for me, I do become excited because this card highlights that awareness is required.

Better the Devil you know?

The themes of the Devil are varied, and it is not the case that there is one specific meaning for he represents many things. Addiction, temptation, superficial tendencies, and possible negative traits trapping the individual into a bondage state within the mind are merely a few of the possible interpretations. If The Devil showed up in a reading, the reader would look at the cards surrounding it to determine what meaning is being offered to the querent.

But when The Devil shows up for me in reverse as a daily card, I am literally jumping up and down with joy! The message received from this card this morning is so very clear, there is a releasing of a state of bondage, and oh how true. The Devil in reverse is highlighting a new detachment from the unseen. I awoke this morning feeling great and rearing to go and I attribute it to a conversation I had with my mother on the phone yesterday.

I have been writing, (kind of), the new book that is wanting to come into form, I have the title and I had the fear, hence I’ve been kind of writing. I would pick it up, feel inspired, do a little writing, and then allow the fear to creep in. The title is, Did I Really Sign Up For This Sh*t? — sign here for ancestral curses and the mother wound.

Can you see and feel the fear? I had been putting off the inevitable conversation with my mum because I was afraid of her reaction. The last thing I want is to upset or hurt anyone, least of all my mother. I love my mother deeply in my own way and I have immense gratitude that she not only gave me life, but she provided for me. My parents gave me an upbringing that they thought would equip me to enter the adult world. It’s fair to say I haven’t experienced a fairy-tale relationship with either of them. My father passed some years ago and my mother currently lives a mere five miles away from me.

Ancestral curses through the ages

The book isn’t about the blame game, far from it, it’s about the wounds we incur during childhood and what we do or do not do with them as adults. It’s bringing awareness to the implications of these stories we tell ourselves and how if they go untouched, unsaid and repressed, they will continue to not only affect the choices we make in the way we live our lives, but the impact it has on everyone we come into contact with. It allows the ancestral “curse” to continually be passed down from generation to generation. I made the conscious decision to break the ancestral “curse” that seems to have blighted the feminine lineage within my family for generations. I absolutely am playing the generation game.

I have given a lot of my time and energy into healing myself from past traumas and I continue to do so with the use of many different modalities, writing is only one of them. I am discovering through meditation, yoga, astrology, crystals, chakras and the tarot, (something I have nicknamed MYACCT therapy), that there is a vast and varied amount of healing available, there is no one size fits all.

It’s time for a breakdown

So when The Devil made his appearance this morning in reverse, I knew straight away that the confines of the cage I had placed myself within, the limitations I felt within the constraints of my own mind, have now started breaking down. I dreaded the conversation with my mother yet I knew it was a paramount action that needed to be taken if I was to set myself free, empower myself so I felt liberated to write freely about that which sparks and fuels my fire within. I have spent months wanting and needing to pick up the phone and have an honest conversation with her.

A hard pill to swallow

Hearing over the years that we need to speak and live our truth, has often been a hard pill to swallow for me. Low self-worth, low self-esteem and low self-image have proven to be some of the ancestral curses that have cast a shadow over my thinking that lead to the ultimate consumption of my thoughts, provoking and fuelling a fear-based state of living, albeit hidden from the outside world. I made sure I appeared confident but I was a crumbling wreck, teetering on the edge of the abyss on a daily basis. The darkness threatened and often engulfed my mind resulting in, what I saw, a broken, absolutely cannot be fixed, me. Until a decade ago.

I decided to break free from the pigeonhole I had been trained to identify with, although at the time I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing. It was a slow process and on reflection, it feels like the Universe has been drip-feeding me so I wouldn’t become overwhelmed by my own power and ability to change. And so the wheel began to turn.

Ignorance is bliss

Pulling away from the “norm” of what people expect from us, of who we are to be and the way we are to behave to appease those around us, places us in a vulnerable position. Being vulnerable requires us to look at the hard, ugly, unsightly truths about ourselves that we begin to wonder if we’re better off staying in the “ignorance is bliss” category. It is a hard pill to swallow to not only know our faults but to know we need to accept them if we are to grow as a person.

Astrology to the rescue

Discovering the energies at play in my natal chart is helping me to understand my flaws, my purpose, me. It is helping me to understand and accept that not everyone will like me if I continue living and speaking my truth, and that’s OK. The biggest gift I have received is identifying the ancestral energies that linger and continue to provide opportunities for growth and wonder. I have come to understand the importance of pain, even appreciate it to a point, but mostly I have come to understand the relevance the mother wound has for me and future generations of beautiful females that are yet to experience this game we call life.

Getting MYACCT together

I am excited about moving forward, as I get MYACCT together, it is providing me with the opportunity to get to know myself, the real me. Not the me that society wants me to be, or my family want me to be for that matter, but who I truly am at my core. The journey of self-discovery, as corny as that might sound, is having a profound impact on who I am and who I am becoming. Will I ever know myself one hundred per cent? I truly hope so, but for now, I’m going to embrace the challenges, the trials and tribulations and celebrate in the knowledge that I am courageous and doing what scares me the most, is what is offering me the most growth.

Until next time…

Namaste,

Naomi x